The loss of my Dad…the disbelief that it is real…

I had a rough patch when I was a kid having to deal with a divorce and remarriages. It was a lot to take in when you are only in 2nd grade. We (my 2 sisters and brother) would visit my Dad on weekends and then slowly it became sporadic as he moved onto his new life…this hurt…but when he did see us, we had his undivided attention, as if we were the only ones in the world around him.

We had plenty of “Chinese Fire Drills” together  :-)
It is when you are at a stop light and you all get out and run around the car, then get back in before the light would change green…I know…silly, but fun…

As he got older, he became literally a “wise man”. He would say those things that young adults would not understand. As I moved into my 30’s and started a family, I completely understood them all. I looked forward to when we would speak, email or chat, just to hear his worldly advise. He was kind and caring, all the way deep into his soul. Anyone lucky enough to know him was greatly touched by his warmth.
I love my Dad with all my heart and I am in disbelief that I can no longer call upon his wisdom. He was too young to pass on…only 63 years old and had an amazing future to complete.
He has always encouraged me to find my happiness…doing anything less, is just wasted time and energy.

But right now, at this moment though, my strive for life has been lost…and now I only feel painful sadness…

           
I am very lucky. Every time I had contact with my Dad, he always told me how proud he was of my son & daughter, my connection with my husband, who I have become and how much I’ve achieved in my life. He was also my BIGGEST photography fan. Just last month he spent sometime at work showing off my recent images to his coworkers. You could just hear how proud he was of me…  …I will never forget that moment.
To give you an idea of how amazing and wise he was all of the time…
this is a note my Dad wrote to my brother, a short while before his unexpected passing…


Hey, I know the kind of life that gets in the way of some of the things you intend to accomplish. That is what so great about this Facebook program. You can communicate on your time. Plus you can get updates to all the important people in your life easily. I am proud “as Hell” of Love of my children and my friends and the Pace family online. Thanks for the shout out and even though there is distance and time between chats, love to you and your sisters is constant from both your mother and I. Our proudest moments were the birth of each of you! ~ Larry Pace

As I read this again…it sends me into crying right away…to know these are his last messages I will ever see… it is unfair…but I understand I am lucky his words were always filled with so much love, each and every time.

Every child wants to hear from their parents about how proud they are of them…
…I am lucky, my father did this every time. Thank you Dad….

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